Voting machine DRE700 came out of nowhere to defeat Barack Obama and John McCain and become the first machine president.

The revelation that Obama's candidacy was the only thing that gave their lives any meaning has caused many supporters to wander aimlessly.

Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy McCain says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy.

Obama's duties in the Spanish government will include collating documents, negotiating treaties, and presiding over national days of mourning.

Campaign officials downplayed the incident, saying the senator was fine as soon as he was fed and taken to the bathroom.

In this installment of Beyond The Facts, a gifted 8-year-old girl participates in grown-up politics by spreading smears and lies.

Our In The Know panelists debate whether the graphic sex acts and extreme violence in HBO's McCain-Obama debate crossed the line.

The Obama campaign is cautiously optimistic after initial reports indicated that most of the people killed were registered Republicans.

In response to Republican attacks, Barack Obama unleashed a series of slightly negative ads that gently point out how McCain could be doing a better job.

McCain pointed to his personal success in marrying a wealthy beer heiress to prove how the plan could benefit every American.

In an appeal to working class voters, Barack Obama claimed his economic plan would save millions of backbreaking, mind-numbing shitty jobs.

Experts predict that Joad Cressbeckler could tip the election to Obama by attracting people who want to vote for the grouchiest candidate possible.

Panelists discuss the "idgit," or idiot, voter -- the unpredictable, uniformed demographic that invariably decides elections.

Overjoyed civil rights leaders say that Barack Obama has paved the way for future black politicians to be smeared as country club snobs.

Panelists discuss the need to protect America's borders with a moat.

Our success in the war on terrorism may lead to other problems: Terrorist ghosts.

Gen. McBrayer discusses how valuable homosexuals are, and why we must never put their lives at risk by allowing them in the military.

The Chinese government explained that the fatal disease is caused by the excitement of the Olympics, not infected birds, as was previously reported.

John McCain claims that if elected he would save taxpayers millions by eliminating the Secret Service and defending himself instead.

Both candidates are stepping up their efforts to attract crucial 'no values voters' by abusing animals and murdering the elderly.

Despite arguments against capital punishment, the Justices overwhelmingly approved its use, especially if they get to participate in some executions.

Before a new program to combat crystal meth can be put into place, Congress has to make sure it has a really awesome name.

President Bush will seek to comfort victims of his presidency as they try to make sense of the destruction he has caused.

The nation's oldest and most respected news analysis program hosted by Clifford Banes, the nation's oldest and most respected newsman.